Skiing on ice is terrible. Skiing on ice in high winds with powder
skis and tech bindings is far worse than terrible! Thus was my
experience on my first day of my ski course here in Patagonia!
Let me back up...saying the skiing was worse than terrible sounds
a bit harsh, but no one would have chosen to ski in these conditions
unless you had to. In fact the ski “resort”, called El Fraile
located here just outside of the town Coyhaique, Chile, wasn't even
open. And to be completely honest, I had a fantastic time, and here's
why: If you love to ski, as I do, coupled with smiling faces of
friends, skiing in August (a phenomenon for us who normally reside in
the northern hemisphere) and a lifty that only knew one English word,
“lunch”, and kept saying it over and over again because he really
didn't have any idea what that one word meant, you get pure joy!
Unfortunately, that joy was short lived as the following two days
the resort was closed and our instructors saw no point in going up to
ski in windy, icy, and over all quite dangerous conditions. So we
have been pounding out some avalanche curriculum previously slated
for later this week. Hopefully we will be getting some snow coming in
this week and be able to ski some decent snow at the resort before we
head out for a couple different multi-day backcountry skiing
excursions!
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Tuesday, August 13, 2013
Thoughts from far above the earth...(aka a blog written while flying :) )
Some consider me well traveled, and to someone who has never left
their home country, I am. I have traveled to and spent time in 15
different countries, but have never dipped below the elusive equator
and explored any parts of the southern hemisphere...today I win the
game of chicken I've been playing with South America. I am flying
south to the southern end of the skinny coastal country of Chile. I
will finally get fresh stamps in my new, naked, neglected passport. I
was proud of my old passport because it was well worn. It had a
plethora of stamps from Latin America and from all over Eastern
Europe. Most people never even come close to filling a passport with
stamps and end up being proud of the one or two bits of “traveling”
they've done to westernized countries or cities, claiming they have
the knowledge, perspective, and the experience of someone who has
been overseas and “seen the world.” Its true that someone can get
a glimpse of another culture from tasting true local cuisine, or
shopping in an open air market in the center of town. But its just a
glimpse and not a very good one at that (usually). How many of them
retreat to the comfort of their air conditioned hotel room when the
100 plus degree weather starts to beat down on them? How many people
keep their “valuables” in a “secret” travel belt so they
don't get pick-pocketed? How many people put away their preconceived
notions of what is “safe” to eat and eat at the locals food
stand. How many people go to a poverty stricken country, a war
ravaged land, or a humanity raped culture with thoughts of grandeur
because they are going to “help” those people? If we continue to
experience “cultures” the way we think they should be rather than
how they actually are, or try to “fix” them according to our own
beliefs or values never to return again, how is that experiencing
anything other than another rendition of our own selfish realities
simply filtered through a 3D mirage of a week long “vacation” or
“mission”?
My mom is the Director of World Missions at her church in Salem, where I grew up. I love my mom more than anything in the world...shes my mother, why wouldn't I? She is one of the most well traveled individuals I have ever known. She doesn't travel to popular places, stay at resorts, or frankly doesn't even enjoy some of the trips that she goes on. Nor does she go to try to fix the world with her religion claiming that they are simply lost souls needing to convert to her way of thinking or her own personal convictions. She goes in support of people who live there, she develops personal relationships with people and builds on those relationships even after her short visit, in order to serve them better. My mom and I do not always see eye to eye on a lot of life’s finer points, but I respect her for the work that she does. I respect her for going out of her comfort zone and doing what she does, loving on people in a way she describes as sharing the love of Jesus and sharing it with people who may not know that anyone in this world (or any other world) loves them. Its not a forced “you must believe what I believe” type of thing...I truly believe that regardless of the title of what her teams go under or the specific reasons or goals they may have, they are there to spread love. Who can argue with that?
I am flying to Chile, under the banner of a Mountaineering School that I am attending, but that doesn't mean that I can't spread the love that I have received in my life with the people that I come into contact with. In fact, I think it is important to love people no matter where you are, who you are with, or what you've experienced in life. You may have a lot of pent up anger, a boat load of bottled up potent hatred that you are bound and determined to hold onto for some reason... but why? We have ALL been wronged in some fashion or another. Some of us have been lied to, some of us have been betrayed, some of us have been cheated, some of us have had people we care about taken away seemingly prematurely and unfairly, some of us have been beaten, and some of us have been raped. These are terrible, awful, horrendous wrong doings that have no excuse for happening, but regardless of what injustices have been done to you why do you hold on to such negativity? Its natural to feel anger and hatred...they are emotions that we are hardwired to have, just like happiness and joy. But we have a choice to let them go before they consume us and take the joyful moments away, strip the happy thoughts and memories from us. We all have that choice. If you let a small scratch or cut on your arm or leg get infected and grow into a more serious, gangrenous wound, it will start to spread to and affect more of your body. It will start to affect more than just the little cut it once was. If you don't deal with it when its small, giving it the attention it needs to be taken care of when it first happens, and you let it fester and ignore it, it WILL get worse, more painful, and continue to effect you more and more. Eventually, if left long enough, it could need to be amputated...forcing you to either cut it off and get rid of it, or if you chose not to, it could ultimately take your life....No one chooses that from the beginning, at least not consciously, but by ignoring or pushing it away when it happens doesn't make it go away. Same is true with hatred. It hurts when we've been wronged. And its easy to not deal with it because it hurts dealing with painful things, but if you push it away and let it fester in you for weeks, months, years, or even decades it WILL resurface as something so fierce you won't even recognize it as the thing it once was. Deal with it and be done...don't hold on to hate.
I have been doing a lot of thinking about this school that I am attending and it has been a huge struggle for me and very daunting to deal with this knee injury that is largely unknown and confusing. It doesn't make sense, but I’m facing it and I’m choosing to do everything that I can to meet it head on not become the victim and feel sorry for myself, but rather use this to become a stronger person, a stronger leader. I may ultimately fail in what I set out to do, but my perceived end point isn't the only thing that drives me. The experiences I am gaining, the trials I am facing, and the strength which I am forming are what is ultimately going to guarantee my success. What that success means or looks like specifically, I can't put into words right now, but I’m going for it full tilt...and I couldn't do it if I stayed stuck on being the victim, thinking of what could be if I wasn't injured...because this is what is, nothing else....i choose my reality and my reality is I am on a flight to Chile to meet up with 4 other amazing guys all training to be awesome mountain guides! I will do the best that I am possibly capable, I will keep a good positive attitude and I will share the love of that I have to share because that is what I choose!
My mom is the Director of World Missions at her church in Salem, where I grew up. I love my mom more than anything in the world...shes my mother, why wouldn't I? She is one of the most well traveled individuals I have ever known. She doesn't travel to popular places, stay at resorts, or frankly doesn't even enjoy some of the trips that she goes on. Nor does she go to try to fix the world with her religion claiming that they are simply lost souls needing to convert to her way of thinking or her own personal convictions. She goes in support of people who live there, she develops personal relationships with people and builds on those relationships even after her short visit, in order to serve them better. My mom and I do not always see eye to eye on a lot of life’s finer points, but I respect her for the work that she does. I respect her for going out of her comfort zone and doing what she does, loving on people in a way she describes as sharing the love of Jesus and sharing it with people who may not know that anyone in this world (or any other world) loves them. Its not a forced “you must believe what I believe” type of thing...I truly believe that regardless of the title of what her teams go under or the specific reasons or goals they may have, they are there to spread love. Who can argue with that?
I am flying to Chile, under the banner of a Mountaineering School that I am attending, but that doesn't mean that I can't spread the love that I have received in my life with the people that I come into contact with. In fact, I think it is important to love people no matter where you are, who you are with, or what you've experienced in life. You may have a lot of pent up anger, a boat load of bottled up potent hatred that you are bound and determined to hold onto for some reason... but why? We have ALL been wronged in some fashion or another. Some of us have been lied to, some of us have been betrayed, some of us have been cheated, some of us have had people we care about taken away seemingly prematurely and unfairly, some of us have been beaten, and some of us have been raped. These are terrible, awful, horrendous wrong doings that have no excuse for happening, but regardless of what injustices have been done to you why do you hold on to such negativity? Its natural to feel anger and hatred...they are emotions that we are hardwired to have, just like happiness and joy. But we have a choice to let them go before they consume us and take the joyful moments away, strip the happy thoughts and memories from us. We all have that choice. If you let a small scratch or cut on your arm or leg get infected and grow into a more serious, gangrenous wound, it will start to spread to and affect more of your body. It will start to affect more than just the little cut it once was. If you don't deal with it when its small, giving it the attention it needs to be taken care of when it first happens, and you let it fester and ignore it, it WILL get worse, more painful, and continue to effect you more and more. Eventually, if left long enough, it could need to be amputated...forcing you to either cut it off and get rid of it, or if you chose not to, it could ultimately take your life....No one chooses that from the beginning, at least not consciously, but by ignoring or pushing it away when it happens doesn't make it go away. Same is true with hatred. It hurts when we've been wronged. And its easy to not deal with it because it hurts dealing with painful things, but if you push it away and let it fester in you for weeks, months, years, or even decades it WILL resurface as something so fierce you won't even recognize it as the thing it once was. Deal with it and be done...don't hold on to hate.
I have been doing a lot of thinking about this school that I am attending and it has been a huge struggle for me and very daunting to deal with this knee injury that is largely unknown and confusing. It doesn't make sense, but I’m facing it and I’m choosing to do everything that I can to meet it head on not become the victim and feel sorry for myself, but rather use this to become a stronger person, a stronger leader. I may ultimately fail in what I set out to do, but my perceived end point isn't the only thing that drives me. The experiences I am gaining, the trials I am facing, and the strength which I am forming are what is ultimately going to guarantee my success. What that success means or looks like specifically, I can't put into words right now, but I’m going for it full tilt...and I couldn't do it if I stayed stuck on being the victim, thinking of what could be if I wasn't injured...because this is what is, nothing else....i choose my reality and my reality is I am on a flight to Chile to meet up with 4 other amazing guys all training to be awesome mountain guides! I will do the best that I am possibly capable, I will keep a good positive attitude and I will share the love of that I have to share because that is what I choose!
Friday, August 2, 2013
12,000 days
Do you know how many days you've lived? If you don't, its easy to figure out. Or at least you can get a general idea. Doing math in my head is pretty general and sometimes can be WAAY off, but without trying to figure it out to a perfect exact number, I've lived roughly 12,000 days. Most of those days i wouldn't be able to tell you what i did. They just passed away without being memorable...
Now, how many days have you actually LIVED? I've been alive for about 12,000 days but how many of those have I lived? How many did i waste feeling sorry for myself? and how many did i take for granted because I thought that "tomorrow is another day" and today isn't worth salvaging? We don't get those days back...once they are gone, they're gone. We only live for a certain amount of days...each is precious and each has the potential to be memorable and great in their own respects. BUT we have to live them in order for this to happen.
The past is the past. It cannot be changed, would you agree? What has happened is done. There's no going back...sure, we can learn from the past, our past, others' past... but how about making our own mistakes, learning lessons for ourselves? What if we could go back? would you? why? do you regret decisions you've made? or are you able to accept them as what they are and learn from them, good or bad, and move forward? are you able to live in the NOW and not get stuck in the what ifs of what could have been? Or are you constantly striving towards, planning for and dreaming of the future...of what hasn't come?
Learning from the past is smart, and planning for the future is wise, but where do you draw the line and actually be present in the present? Some would argue that this is a silly, immature way to live, but it'll never come again and if you waste it its gone. However you choose to live your life is up to you and you alone. Are you satisfied with how your life is right now? if an asteroid crashed into you wherever you happen to be right now would you feel as though you lived your life? Or would you be dissapointed that you didn't get to do something, or say something to someone?
Stop making excuses and live your life today.
On June 10, 2010 my niece, Rebecca Faith, was born. She was born with health issues that ultimately took her life 18 months later. She never walked, never talked, never tasted real food (other than homemade vanilla ice cream on her first birthday). She wasn't consumed with her choices in the past, how she had been treated, or what she would do in her life to come...
The doctors gave her less than a year to live and she beat that! Her life is an inspiration for me to make the most of my life, make the most of the choices that I choose. And its a big reminder that i have been given the richness to experience life as I am right now! Life is so precious and yet so fragile and so many of us take so much of it for granted...enjoy being able to taste your food, enjoy the smell of rain, fresh cut grass, and burnt toast. Enjoy feeling rain on your skin, the sun burning your neck, and the heat of a campfire on your shins. Don't take anything for granted. Be yourself for your reasons, not someone somebody else tells you to be for their reasons. Experience emotion, don't suppress it...it helps us feel alive in this small silly world we are in. Choose things that make you happy or sad but choose them; don't just let them happen...Love on everyone you come into contact with...there's no room for hate.
Live your life...don't just be alive.
"I love you little Becky! Thank you for sharing your moments with me!"
Now, how many days have you actually LIVED? I've been alive for about 12,000 days but how many of those have I lived? How many did i waste feeling sorry for myself? and how many did i take for granted because I thought that "tomorrow is another day" and today isn't worth salvaging? We don't get those days back...once they are gone, they're gone. We only live for a certain amount of days...each is precious and each has the potential to be memorable and great in their own respects. BUT we have to live them in order for this to happen.
The past is the past. It cannot be changed, would you agree? What has happened is done. There's no going back...sure, we can learn from the past, our past, others' past... but how about making our own mistakes, learning lessons for ourselves? What if we could go back? would you? why? do you regret decisions you've made? or are you able to accept them as what they are and learn from them, good or bad, and move forward? are you able to live in the NOW and not get stuck in the what ifs of what could have been? Or are you constantly striving towards, planning for and dreaming of the future...of what hasn't come?
Learning from the past is smart, and planning for the future is wise, but where do you draw the line and actually be present in the present? Some would argue that this is a silly, immature way to live, but it'll never come again and if you waste it its gone. However you choose to live your life is up to you and you alone. Are you satisfied with how your life is right now? if an asteroid crashed into you wherever you happen to be right now would you feel as though you lived your life? Or would you be dissapointed that you didn't get to do something, or say something to someone?
Stop making excuses and live your life today.
On June 10, 2010 my niece, Rebecca Faith, was born. She was born with health issues that ultimately took her life 18 months later. She never walked, never talked, never tasted real food (other than homemade vanilla ice cream on her first birthday). She wasn't consumed with her choices in the past, how she had been treated, or what she would do in her life to come...
The doctors gave her less than a year to live and she beat that! Her life is an inspiration for me to make the most of my life, make the most of the choices that I choose. And its a big reminder that i have been given the richness to experience life as I am right now! Life is so precious and yet so fragile and so many of us take so much of it for granted...enjoy being able to taste your food, enjoy the smell of rain, fresh cut grass, and burnt toast. Enjoy feeling rain on your skin, the sun burning your neck, and the heat of a campfire on your shins. Don't take anything for granted. Be yourself for your reasons, not someone somebody else tells you to be for their reasons. Experience emotion, don't suppress it...it helps us feel alive in this small silly world we are in. Choose things that make you happy or sad but choose them; don't just let them happen...Love on everyone you come into contact with...there's no room for hate.
Live your life...don't just be alive.
"I love you little Becky! Thank you for sharing your moments with me!"
Thursday, August 1, 2013
An Obituary...(of sorts)
My car, my beloved 1995 Subaru Legacy station wagon, has sold. It has a nice new college aged girl to look after
My emotions are mixed. On one had, I loved that little car despite its little quirks and gimmicks and am sad to see it go. It served me well travelling across many states, on washboarded backcountry roads, up and down mountain passes so I could get to work, the trailhead or the ski hills, and performed with little problems time and time again when I packed it tetris style to its maximum capacity moving around in my classic nomadic style. I loved that car, it was a fantastic car to own and drive!
On the other hand, I was frustrated to no end with that POS car despite how much I loved it. It struggled, sometimes, to chug up even the littlest of hills causing road rage from people stuck behind me. I would bottom out over potholes that wouldn't have phased a lowrider. I couldn't roll down my window on 100 degree days to simply feel a breeze on my face. It leaked oil to the point of seeming like it had an engine fire billowing smoke from under the hood causing people to rush over to me to inform me that my car was smoking! "Yes, I am aware," as if I didn't see the cloud of smoke right in front of me!
BUT.... overall, I will miss that car. Despite its short comings, it was the best car I could have owned at that time of my life. I am grateful for its persistence to take me to places I wouldn't have been able to access with out it. I am thankful and sad. Sad to know that when I return home, it won't be sitting there waiting for me. Thankful that the next owner will have her own stories to make with it. She will have a car that will be reliable, functional and fun! She is excited and I am excited.
Big thanks to my dad for putting in the leg work of selling my beloved! Thanks dad!
You little Suby, you will be missed, we traveled far and wide together and you will never be forgotten or replaced....
My emotions are mixed. On one had, I loved that little car despite its little quirks and gimmicks and am sad to see it go. It served me well travelling across many states, on washboarded backcountry roads, up and down mountain passes so I could get to work, the trailhead or the ski hills, and performed with little problems time and time again when I packed it tetris style to its maximum capacity moving around in my classic nomadic style. I loved that car, it was a fantastic car to own and drive!
On the other hand, I was frustrated to no end with that POS car despite how much I loved it. It struggled, sometimes, to chug up even the littlest of hills causing road rage from people stuck behind me. I would bottom out over potholes that wouldn't have phased a lowrider. I couldn't roll down my window on 100 degree days to simply feel a breeze on my face. It leaked oil to the point of seeming like it had an engine fire billowing smoke from under the hood causing people to rush over to me to inform me that my car was smoking! "Yes, I am aware," as if I didn't see the cloud of smoke right in front of me!
BUT.... overall, I will miss that car. Despite its short comings, it was the best car I could have owned at that time of my life. I am grateful for its persistence to take me to places I wouldn't have been able to access with out it. I am thankful and sad. Sad to know that when I return home, it won't be sitting there waiting for me. Thankful that the next owner will have her own stories to make with it. She will have a car that will be reliable, functional and fun! She is excited and I am excited.
Big thanks to my dad for putting in the leg work of selling my beloved! Thanks dad!
You little Suby, you will be missed, we traveled far and wide together and you will never be forgotten or replaced....
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Sitting still sucks.
I'm not a fan of sitting still. Especially when I am forced to do it for reasons that are beyond my control. I love to be active, so sitting here at the Mountain Training School's Alaska base camp trying to amuse myself while writing blogs and gear reviews are not what I would call an ideal situation. I'm stuck here while the rest of GS8 is finishing up the backpacking module deep in the Talkeetna Mountains. I want to be there SOOO badly! But I cannot. But, to look at things on the brighter side, I have had time to start this blog (and today I figured out how to post pictures to it!), advance into the top 100 gear gurus for backcountry.com, and concoct workout plans that include make shift kettlebells (admittedly, though, not very well constructed), and stare at Pioneer Peak taunting me every time I step outside.
My makeshift "kettlebell."
Pioneer Peak looming out the back door.
Its hard to be patient sometimes but, patience is a virtue, or so I'm told! Never-the-less, I sit here as patiently as I can trying to allow my knee time to heal before I smash down mountains with oodles of weight in my pack. Waiting for the rest of my class to return from their first epic adventure without 20% of their classmates (aka me!). Yet as expressed in a previous post, I have chosen wisely and do not regret my decision to give my knee the extra time to heal so I can rejoin my classmates on what is sure to be some epic adventures to come!
mmmm bacon! I must admit, I don't really miss the dry food mixes, the instant potatoes, candy bars and the like we eat in the field! So I am happy I can eat fresh organic vegetables, eggs, bacon, good meat, and overall food that is actually good for me! So HA! that's one for me! Now....it seems as though I should go make some curry! or maybe just have a bite of ice cream....mmmm or maybe some bacon! mmmm bacon!
Pictures around Alaska basecamp and 4th of July BBQ!
Just a few candids from the first few days before our first course! Hopefully you can get a feel for out basecamp and staging area for all out expeditions here in AK!
Left to right: Hewitt jamming and Gareth (Gaz) and Nick, both from Australia, typing typing typing.
Tyler, a former Guide School student and the Alaska basecamp manager, sitting on the right with Dani, his girlfriend from Costa Rica. Dan, from Scotland (blue hat) reads his Kindle!
4th of July BBQ
Gaz telling a story...Hewitt from Connecticut (middle left) and Daniel from San Fransisco (right center) both classmates, and Carter (far right) an apprentice instructor in his second year of the Guide School, listen very engagingly!!
Dan, one of the instructors and former Guide School student, skyping away! Up the stairs is our sleeping quarters!
Gaz waiting patiently for more food to be ready!
Daniel swooping in on some grilled chicken!
Gaz, from Australia, doesn't need a plate, mate!
Hewitt demonstrating how to shotgun a beer!
I'll post more pictures soon and hopefully as often as I can...however, once I'm in the field there will be large time gaps where no posts or pictures will be posted...BUT, after a course there will be tons of pictures and lots of stories to be told! Keep checking back to see if there are new posts and new pictures...I'll also try to alert people via Facebook when I remember! :) be well and give your mother a hug! she deserves it!
Friday, July 19, 2013
Failing Forward: the first days of Mountain Guide School
I could hardly contain myself as I stepped onto the plane to Alaska to begin my two year journey that is the Mountain Guide School. I hadn't slept more than a couple hours each of the nights preceding. I thought this day would never come. I had been training, collecting required gear (even some that was virtually impossible to track down (damn silvretta 500's)), and dreaming of how the next two years of my life would be like participating in the Mountain Training School's two year mountain guide school. Since getting accepted in May of 2012, I had just over a year to get my self into shape physically and mentally for what I was anticipating to be some of the hardest experiences I have ever encountered or ever will!
Did I prepare enough? No. Could I have done more? Yes. but am I proud of getting this far and doing my best given the circumstances? Definitely! Maybe its just me and my perfectionism, in thinking I could have done more or been more efficient with my time. But I DO know that the past is the past and it will never come back around. We can only go forward! Whether we fail or succeed, the only way is forward. Don't ever give up on your dreams, in fact, don't only have dreams, but make those dreams goals. Dreams remain unattainable things in the sky. Set them as goals and work towards them! Even if they seem impossible at the time, there are always steps to take to move forward towards your goals! You most often cannot just jump forward straight to the end goal with out many many many steps in between. I can't climb a mountain in a single jump, but one step at a time!
ok, I'm getting a bit preachy...
I arrived in Alaska, stayed at a local hostel and started to meet some of the other classmates...this was becoming a reality! There are a total of 5 of us, 2 from Australia, and 3 of us from the United States. A small group compared to the maximum allowance of 8 for the school. The night before we got picked up for the beginning of our two year journey we 5, collectively known as GS8 or Guide School 8, went and had a big steak dinner with plenty of beers and plenty of things to talk about! We closed the restaurant down!
July 1st. the day we all had been anticipating for days, weeks, months.....years! We had begun! We 5 had all come from different backgrounds, had different expectations, and overall hadn't the slightest idea what the hell we had gotten ourselves into! The first few days were pretty mellow; filled with classes about the school, what to expect, learning about food packing, navigation, gear checks, and the certification process we would be working through these next two years, among many other topics. We were stoked to say the least!
July 5th. We drove a couple hours to the trailhead for our backpacking module with full packs, eager attitudes, and smiles on our faces! We arrived at what we learned was known to Alaskans as the Talkeetna Traverse. We set off on our first course as a preparation course for our other, more rigorous, and lengthy expeditions to come. The scenery was to die for! I couldn't take enough pictures! The pace, unexpectedly, was pretty quick at first, but slowed once we figured out that we wouldn't be able to keep up that pace once we got off the trail we started on. Soon on the second day we were off the track and finding our way via map and compass. The instructors let us fail. Some failed worse than others at route finding and navigating, but we all were there to learn this necessary skill so we all had a chance to lead, route find, fail, and then succeed!
The first section was slated for 7 days. We did it in 6 before we arrived at a remote air strip (actually looked nothing like an airstrip) on a gravel bar below a glacier with braids of grey water flowing in and around it where we would get a food and fuel resupply for the next 10 day section. On day three I started to feel pain. Pain in my left knee...it wasn't too bad to start, but the next day came with more pain and slowing pace. WHY!?!?! I had trained, I had prepared, I was careful and methodical with my steps. Why was this pain occurring? I couldn't figure it out. The intructors couldn't figure it out. We tried wrapping it, we tried heating it, we tried anti-inflammatories...nothing...but more pain...I was walking around like I had my knee blown up by an explosion...I got slower and slower.
My mind raced...what happened? What if I couldn't finish the course...my FIRST course!!?? If I had to get air lifted out, would I be done for the rest of the 2 years? would I wash out only 5 days into this journey? Questions, doubts, pain....
We arrived at our resupply drop point with a day to spare, a day of rest before I had to make a decision. A critical decision that brought me to tears numerous times to even think about making. Had this dream, this goal, this life been all for nothing? I was angry, I was frustrated, I was confused. I talked to the other guys in the course, I talked to the instructors about my options...
I took the day of rest seriously. Staying off my knee, keeping it elevated, taking anti-inflammatory drugs, heating it, and trying to will it back to health. No such luck. I was faced with the choice of completing the last 10 days on a progressively failing knee with searing pain, or to fly out with the pilot coming to drop our resupply....I toiled over this decision...I am not a quitter and by no means was I going to admit defeat this early on...or ever! But it ultimately came down to this: if I fly out now I can have an extra week to heal as to preserve my body for the more grueling courses to come. It was a gamble, a big gamble. I knew I had the will power to push on through the rest of the course...of that I have no doubt. But at what cost was my stubbornness? I'm 32 years old and have lived a bunch of experiences but I still have a lot of life still to live. Do I want to ruin the chances of continuing on the more important courses, or even continuing using my knee all together because my pride wanted to keep going?
I made the decision to fly out the next day. A decision I do not regret. 10 years earlier my pride would have bested me and I would have gone on, foolishly and possibly injuring myself permanently for a lifetime. In one of the last emails I received from my mom before starting this course, she said that she hoped that I made wise decisions that I would be proud of. I am training to be a mountain guide and if I let my pride get in the way of making the right choice of turning back from a summit bid or something similar, it could easily mean permanent injury or worse....death. Not only for me but for my clients or students. Wise choices are what makes a good guide. I want to be the best guide I can possibly be and that starts with making wise choices.
We all have choices and the right to choose one way or the other. Sometimes we make the wrong choices and we fail, but those choices lead us to make better choices the next time and the time after that. Sure, I want desperately to be out with the rest of my class tromping through the wilds of the Alaskan backcountry, but I made the right decision and am proud to have done so!
Make wise choices that you will be proud of!
Did I prepare enough? No. Could I have done more? Yes. but am I proud of getting this far and doing my best given the circumstances? Definitely! Maybe its just me and my perfectionism, in thinking I could have done more or been more efficient with my time. But I DO know that the past is the past and it will never come back around. We can only go forward! Whether we fail or succeed, the only way is forward. Don't ever give up on your dreams, in fact, don't only have dreams, but make those dreams goals. Dreams remain unattainable things in the sky. Set them as goals and work towards them! Even if they seem impossible at the time, there are always steps to take to move forward towards your goals! You most often cannot just jump forward straight to the end goal with out many many many steps in between. I can't climb a mountain in a single jump, but one step at a time!
ok, I'm getting a bit preachy...
I arrived in Alaska, stayed at a local hostel and started to meet some of the other classmates...this was becoming a reality! There are a total of 5 of us, 2 from Australia, and 3 of us from the United States. A small group compared to the maximum allowance of 8 for the school. The night before we got picked up for the beginning of our two year journey we 5, collectively known as GS8 or Guide School 8, went and had a big steak dinner with plenty of beers and plenty of things to talk about! We closed the restaurant down!
July 1st. the day we all had been anticipating for days, weeks, months.....years! We had begun! We 5 had all come from different backgrounds, had different expectations, and overall hadn't the slightest idea what the hell we had gotten ourselves into! The first few days were pretty mellow; filled with classes about the school, what to expect, learning about food packing, navigation, gear checks, and the certification process we would be working through these next two years, among many other topics. We were stoked to say the least!
July 5th. We drove a couple hours to the trailhead for our backpacking module with full packs, eager attitudes, and smiles on our faces! We arrived at what we learned was known to Alaskans as the Talkeetna Traverse. We set off on our first course as a preparation course for our other, more rigorous, and lengthy expeditions to come. The scenery was to die for! I couldn't take enough pictures! The pace, unexpectedly, was pretty quick at first, but slowed once we figured out that we wouldn't be able to keep up that pace once we got off the trail we started on. Soon on the second day we were off the track and finding our way via map and compass. The instructors let us fail. Some failed worse than others at route finding and navigating, but we all were there to learn this necessary skill so we all had a chance to lead, route find, fail, and then succeed!
The first section was slated for 7 days. We did it in 6 before we arrived at a remote air strip (actually looked nothing like an airstrip) on a gravel bar below a glacier with braids of grey water flowing in and around it where we would get a food and fuel resupply for the next 10 day section. On day three I started to feel pain. Pain in my left knee...it wasn't too bad to start, but the next day came with more pain and slowing pace. WHY!?!?! I had trained, I had prepared, I was careful and methodical with my steps. Why was this pain occurring? I couldn't figure it out. The intructors couldn't figure it out. We tried wrapping it, we tried heating it, we tried anti-inflammatories...nothing...but more pain...I was walking around like I had my knee blown up by an explosion...I got slower and slower.
My mind raced...what happened? What if I couldn't finish the course...my FIRST course!!?? If I had to get air lifted out, would I be done for the rest of the 2 years? would I wash out only 5 days into this journey? Questions, doubts, pain....
We arrived at our resupply drop point with a day to spare, a day of rest before I had to make a decision. A critical decision that brought me to tears numerous times to even think about making. Had this dream, this goal, this life been all for nothing? I was angry, I was frustrated, I was confused. I talked to the other guys in the course, I talked to the instructors about my options...
I took the day of rest seriously. Staying off my knee, keeping it elevated, taking anti-inflammatory drugs, heating it, and trying to will it back to health. No such luck. I was faced with the choice of completing the last 10 days on a progressively failing knee with searing pain, or to fly out with the pilot coming to drop our resupply....I toiled over this decision...I am not a quitter and by no means was I going to admit defeat this early on...or ever! But it ultimately came down to this: if I fly out now I can have an extra week to heal as to preserve my body for the more grueling courses to come. It was a gamble, a big gamble. I knew I had the will power to push on through the rest of the course...of that I have no doubt. But at what cost was my stubbornness? I'm 32 years old and have lived a bunch of experiences but I still have a lot of life still to live. Do I want to ruin the chances of continuing on the more important courses, or even continuing using my knee all together because my pride wanted to keep going?
I made the decision to fly out the next day. A decision I do not regret. 10 years earlier my pride would have bested me and I would have gone on, foolishly and possibly injuring myself permanently for a lifetime. In one of the last emails I received from my mom before starting this course, she said that she hoped that I made wise decisions that I would be proud of. I am training to be a mountain guide and if I let my pride get in the way of making the right choice of turning back from a summit bid or something similar, it could easily mean permanent injury or worse....death. Not only for me but for my clients or students. Wise choices are what makes a good guide. I want to be the best guide I can possibly be and that starts with making wise choices.
We all have choices and the right to choose one way or the other. Sometimes we make the wrong choices and we fail, but those choices lead us to make better choices the next time and the time after that. Sure, I want desperately to be out with the rest of my class tromping through the wilds of the Alaskan backcountry, but I made the right decision and am proud to have done so!
Make wise choices that you will be proud of!
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