Where to start?

Wow, 2 months since my last post. Yikes! looks like I fell of the band wagon a bit! Well, I'm back in the States now and have a bit more time to sit and ponder the world! And lucky for you, you get to read about my random thought processes!

Let me catch you up to date a little bit on what's been going on the last couple months...

In the last 2 months I have been on 3 different continents. I have experienced 2 separate injuries. I've been in subzero temps and shorts and flip flop weather. I have fallen off rocks and fallen on snow, and seen several different mountain ranges from the Pyrenees to Patagonia. I have spent the equivalent of multiple days sitting in airports around the world and even more time cramped in little tiny airplane seats. These are just a few of the random things I have experienced since my last blog post....now where to start writing...

Planning your future is an odd concept to me. Many people spend their whole lives planning for their future and never truly live where they are in their lives currently. I have chosen a path that would scare most people. Not because I am climbing mountains, living in remote regions under the stars or in adverse weather, nor because I am scaling thousand foot rock faces. Although this would scare the majority of people i know, most people would be scared because my future is so uncertain. I don't have a job, I don't have any savings, I don't even really have a place to call home (other than my parents house where I haven't technically lived since high school days). So why am I subjecting myself to the uncomfortableness of not knowing? Because I am doing what I love. And I'm doing it now! I am not going to get old looking back on my life thinking I wish I would have...done more things, or taken a different path. I am going to look back on my life and know that I did everything I could to live life to its fullest...no regrets!

I may not have much money, but money doesn't run me. I have something far more valuable that: I've traded a life of comfortable living and security for a life of adventure, uncertainty, and wicked experiences! Money will always come and go (and its nice when it comes easily) but Its annoying how much money runs the world. There is so much more out there to experience, and experiences can't be taken away from you! these last few months as I have been embarking on this unknown, uncertain journey of becoming a mountain guide, I have become a richer person. Richer each moment despite the constant drip of money leaking from my bank account. I have experienced things I never thought I would...or even could! I plan on having more experiences and living life in a way that I can't even dream of  because I'm living NOW and banking the experience and sharing with those that I love!

Wow, I sat down to write today thinking I would tell some stories of my adventures. I started typing and this just started streaming from me. I guess the stories of rock climbing in world class venues,  almost chopping off my thumb while skiing, or scaling wind scoured patagonian peaks will have to wait for another time! :)

Keyhole: weather and wind walls (and other highlights from Patagonia) part 3

Weather has taken a whole new meaning for me since being in Patagonia. When the forecast says one thing, you can count on the fact that you will get that weather as well as a plethora of other weather accompanying it! And everything is magnified! If the weather calls for precipitation, expect to get wet. Even if you have the top of the line, brand new gore-tex suit of “armor” you can guarantee that you will get wet (if you doubt this, feel free to ask anyone of my team who collectively have spent thousands of dollars on the best money can buy only to find out that “guaranteed waterproof” is complete and utter bullshit!!) Nothing, I repeat, NOTHING is waterproof on the ice cap. If the forecast calls for high winds, stand your ground because its likely you'll be blown off your feet! IF the forecast calls for precipitation AND high winds, you better buckle up and pray because its going to be a hell of a day....or week!


Sitting and waiting for a bit of weather to pass before we advance our camp up to Keyhole was nothing short of a frustrating stint of “what the hell”. We had been waiting in near perfect weather for the better part of 2 weeks and then when we finally got the chance to advance, we had to wait even longer! You may think that sitting out weather in the valley on dirt and among trees shouldn't be that much different than 6 kilometers away camped on snow sheltered by handmade snow walls, but, it could mean the difference of losing gear, getting everything completely soaked and then frozen, becoming beyond exhausted keeping your tent and snow walls from getting buried, and consequently becoming completely demoralized knowing that you have waited days, weeks, months, years for the opportunity to experience this whiteout version of frozen hell.


The weather cleared and we moved camp from the shelter of trees in puesto camp in the soler valley up to Keyhole where we had cached all of our gear and rations. Time for the real fun to begin!


Keyhole, we learned, wasn't even on the ice cap proper. We had a matter of a few hundred meters to travel before reaching the infamous ice cap. But we had some much needed training to do before we could venture out onto the land of frozen bareness and survive. The first of which was building a wind wall to protect each of our three tents. The tents we use are top of the line Hilleberg expedition mountaineering tents, the best money can buy. However, it is still only a very thin piece of nylon fabric that separates you from the raging bull that bears down upon you without mercy we like to affectionately call Patagonian weather. In order to subsidize the damage caused by the wind and horizontally falling snow (snow doesn't fall down on the ice cap...there's no such thing...it only comes blasting horizontally from the side) we build wind walls. Wind walls are just what they sound to be....walls of snow to protect against the wind. You create a quarry and “mine” large blocks of snow and ice to build a 2-3 foot thick, 5-6 foot high fortress around your tent that inevitably falls down, deteriorates, and is rendered completely useless in a matter of days and in some cases hours. Building each wall takes about a minimum of 3 hours and is akin to doing hard labor on a chain gang. Needless to say, our backs weren't exactly prepared for the destroying power of shoveling out and lifting huge blocks of snow and ice for hours at a time!


Once built, wind walls must be continuously maintained because they will always deteriorate. Sun melts them, rendering them weak and useless. Rain deteriorates them, rendering them weak and useless. And wind will laugh in your face knowing that these measly little snow forts you have encased yourselves in is all you have to protect yourselves against her ferocity! JAJAJA!


This is mountaineering! A dream in the making, a goal we have aspired to, a hell we have willingly put ourselves in! Yee haw!



The best was yet to come!

Tiny ropes and tiny caribiners (and other highlights from patagonia) part 2

Its always a bit frustrating when you circumstances dictate your reality for you without your consent. However, this is how, I suppose, most of our lives occur. I don't subscribe to the thought of manifest destiny or the whole concept of everything happens for a reason or even the concept of creating your reality...at least not fully. Some would and do argue these points with more vigor than people argue about different organized religions. But usually, as with arguments with religion, the two different sides haven't changed their opinions about anything!


Sitting and waiting for things to happen, worrying about things that are beyond your control is often a waste of brain power. Its easy to logically come to this conclusion as I’m sure all of you would agree with my thoughts. But how do you stop yourself, your mind, from going crazy with these exact thoughts of what do about things that are completely out of your control? Why do we immediately consume ourselves with things that we cannot change? It creates so much unneeded stress in our lives that can, in theory, be avoided if all we do is ignore the ramblings of our mind as it encroaches on our consciousness and creeps into and consumes every ounce of brain power rendering us uselessly stressed out.


I have sat for hours at a time, days on end just blinking, thinking, and inevitably....feeling stressed about things I cannot control. Its been quite the steep learning curve over the last month. I have found that spending time alone with your thoughts is actually a good thing. About a week into our ice cap expedition all my electronics were dead and there wasn't a day of sun in the forecast to even possibly recharge any of them with a solar charger. All I had was my inner voice to hang out with and talk to. And so I did...


Sitting and waiting at Palomar camp we were able to do minimal classes due to not having the proper equipment to actually practice and implement skills that we will need and use on this trip as well as throughout our careers as guides. However we did have some miniature carabiners and some pea-cord that we rigged up and practiced rescue techniques and some other rope and knot work on a very tiny scale!


Palomar camp was amazingly beautiful, however given our circumstances it made the gorgeous weather , views of towering peaks and surrounding waterfalls seem a bit more glorious as we wondered and contemplated our next move. What happens if the horses didn't arrive with our gear? What if sickness and injuries continued to plague us and we are unable to accomplish our goals we set out before this expedition? These and other scenarios, that were beyond our control, were plaguing our minds and adding to the stress and frustration of the situation. Then, without a care in the world, clipitty clop clippity clop, Don Ramon and his wife come trotting out of the woods with the horses and gear we've been waiting and praying for! There were definitely mixed feelings at this point among some of the team members. Not everyone was stoked on leaving the plush grass and sunny skies and the comforts of Palomar camp but nevertheless, we were set to move!


When we arrived at Puesto camp, we still had no gear after caching most of it up to keyhole, our entrance onto the looming ice cap. Productivity was at a stand still, yet again. However, on our second cache run a couple of days later, we retrieved one of the ropes and a bunch of technical gear so while we waited for injuries and infections to heal, we could practice practical skills we'd need while on the ice cap: namely crevasse rescue techniques. But there was one small problem: we weren't even on snow yet! So, again, this was mostly practicing a theory of the skills we would have to be masters of in case of a real emergency. At least it took up the better part of an afternoon which would have inevitably been spent staring off into space thinking of the “what ifs” in life.


Meanwhile, the weather forecast wasn't all sunshine and teddy bears anymore and we had to sit out two more days of weather before moving to Keyhole.





To be continued...

Pooping in a bag (and other highlights from Patagonia)

There's something to be said for having the luxury of a porcelain throne to do your dirty business. But well beyond that, how many of you have longed for a piece of dirt to lay your eyes upon and dig yourself a glorious cat hole to poop in? This is exciting not for the reason you might think. Although I'm sure many of you have your own pooping in a hole horror stories, I'd be willing to bet that very few (if any aside from MTS) have had to regularly go outside in whiteout conditions in subzero temps with the wind nuking ridiculously strong and attempt to poop in a little plastic bag! This was my reality while on the Patagonian Ice Cap! Let me tell you, it was glorious to finally get back down from the ice cap into the Soler Valley and be able to poop in a hole in the ground!


Ok ok....enough about pooping, I’m sure you don't want to hear about my bodily movements as much as you do my adventures! 


I'm currently sitting in the Miami International Airport awaiting my connecting flight to Spain where i will have 6 weeks of rock climbing to attend to! But first let me share some of my ups and downs from Patagonia!


After spending a week on the bare ice glacier of Exploradores at the far northern reaches of the ice cap, we finally embarked on our expedition to experience and conquer the elusive and foreboding ice cap! Or so we thought! We drove 6-7 hours to the little town of Puerto Bertrand where we got dropped off and boarded a boat that would take us to the beginning of the Soler Valley. From there we would trek up with our first set of rations and all our personal gear to meet the horses carrying all of our climbing equipment and the next 4 sets of rations. In a perfect world, this would have taken one day from the boat to the first camp, John's Camp, another long day to Palomar Camp, then a third, fairly short day to Puesto Camp where we were supposed to meet the horses and start shuttling up our gear and rations up to the entrance to the Ice Cap, Keyhole. That is, of course, if everything went as planned...


Everything was going perfectly to plan until about hour 3 on day one when one of our team became quite ill with some sort of stomach virus or intestinal problem. We pushed on through the next day and arrived at Palomar camp with beautiful sunny weather and a magnificent views of numerous unnamed peaks on the distant ice cap. And there we sat....waiting. My tent mate, the sick one, was bed ridden (or tent/sleeping bag ridden is more accurate) for 3 days with frequent emergency runs to the”bathroom”. But luckily, or not so luckily, we were stuck there soaking up the sun and supreme weather twittling our thumbs waiting for the Gaucho, Don Ramon, to bring the horses with the rest of our gear....so, without the proper gear we were dead in the water....sitting and waiting.


Sitting and waiting....its becoming something quite synonymous with expedition climbing in tumultuously weathered locations...aka the northern Patagonian ice cap. The mental game of an expedition is so much more intense than the physical aspect. You can train your body to withstand pain, to get stronger or to push longer and harder, but when you aren't being physically strained to your absolute limit, the mental game of waiting is excruciating. Your mind is constantly wandering. Constantly calculating the what ifs of occurrences that could or could not be happening now, in the past or in the future of your life, the expedition and everything in between. Some would argue that you can train your brain. Train your mind to withstand such turmoil and strain. But the truth is there is nothing like going through days, weeks, and longer and facing your own demons on your own. I'm sure I’ll talk more about this....it takes time to decompress, to understand what you've learned and faced. So I’ll ramble on more about this in future blogs....


Finally, the stomach virus cleared up and the horses came and dropped our gear off at the next camp! We had movement! We had movement until a different team member obtained a massive hole in the front of his ankle from shin bang and could hardly walk (let alone hike with massive loads over difficult terrain) due to infections and swelling....back to sitting and waiting....


We made it to Puesto Camp where some of us were able to do some cache runs up to keyhole, the entrance to the ice cap. And then we sat and waited. Waited for our glorious weather window to disappear and for our mates' shin bang to heal so he could walk!


Let's do a quick recap....we waited for 4 extra days for the horses to arrive with our stuff, then another 3 days due to injuries. At this point we've had fantastic bluebird weather....so, in classic Patagonian style, the weather decided come right when we were able to move onto the ice cap.



To be continued....

The Waiting Game

After 3 weeks of putzing around base camp waiting out rainy weather, we finally got to get out and do a week of ice climbing and rope systems training. Dealing with boredom, expensive everything, and the prospect of going out to suffer in less than ideal weather put us in a state of second guessing our decision to embark on this guide school journey. What are we doing but waiting only to suffer on the ice cap?


This adventure has had its ups and downs, physically, mentally and emotionally. It feels like whenever I’m on top of the world is when the world starts to collapse underneath me. Walking above the crowd on stilts only to have someone kick them out from underneath you. It hurts when you fall, but it makes you stronger and more resilient. You learn how to get back on top and continue on into uncharted territories and explore yourself and your dreams! I am staying the course, it'll take more than a few bumps, albeit massive bumps, in the road to derail me from my dream life. I am so fortunate to have people who love me support me and encourage me following my dreams.


This last week we had gorgeous weather for ice climbing and training while out on the Exploradores Glacier. Unheard of nice weather for Patagonia! I feel spoiled to have such nice weather in a place infamous for absolutely terrible weather, but I’ll take it! I know the storms will come, the hurricane force winds will pin us down, we'll get dumped on with multiple feet of snow a day forcing us to continuously dig our tents out on rotating dig shifts 24 hours a day for days or weeks at a time. Our time will come and we will suffer. But as with each down, the resulting up will be all that much better!



Thank you all for supporting me in this journey. Giving me the strength to seek after my dreams. I don't give you all enough credit. It makes me so happy when I can share my adventures with everyone who has believed in me and continue to shower me with praises for following my heart. Thank you and I love you all!

A Myriad of Firsts: Patagonian Backcountry Skiing

Have you ever been in wind so strong it blows your tent flat? Wait, scratch that, have you ever been in wind so strong it blows your 4 season expedition tent completely flat on top of you in winter while you pray the wind hasn't broken your skis in half as they stick halfway out of the snow outside your tent? Welcome to the first day and night of my first Patagonian backcountry skiing trip!


Have you ever skied fresh tracks 400 vertical meters of fresh blower powder in a couloir under a gigantic full moon? Welcome to night 2 of my first Patagonian backcountry ski trip!


The 3 day wasn't quite as epic....oh wait yes it was! My biggest vertical relief I've ever skied (yet)! 700 plus vertical meters of face shots and giggling my way down a massive bowl linking turn after turn after turn! Looking back up and seeing a bright big blue sky over top of my gorgeous “S” turns! Is this for real?


Just shy of the pass in the Cerro Castillo National Reserve, we made camp for 5 days of avalanche training, and amazing skiing! Thinking back on my experience of my first backcountry trip in Chile, I can hardly believe it was real. The tips of my toes haven't quite come completely back to feeling, but I can still feel the bite of the freezing wind as I scream down powder lines experiencing elation I didn't think was possible! I'm addicted.


Waiting out a rest day, watching the weather, trying to keep warm in minus 7 degree weather, sitting through heavy case studies of past avalanches, I can't wait to get back out skiing! A few more days of backcountry skiing, one more in the resort for an end of the week dump, then avalanche review and testing and debrief and my first ski course for GS8 will come to an end. Fortunately more fun will follow....10 days of hard ice climbing and instruction after which we will slog onto the Ice Cap for a month of mountaineering madness few in the world have experienced!



Can I wait for it all? Not really, but it will all unfold one step at a time!

Powder Skiing and the Waiting Game

Skiing 40 cm of fresh powder is almost as fun as a ten year old with free reign of Disneyworld. Actually, I have no idea if that's fun at all, but I DO know that skiing 40 cm of fresh powder is quite an elating experience! The literal ice sheet that we skied on earlier this week is only a distant memory! We are all getting better at skiing! Some of the guys doubling their experience with the two days we've been, and others of us able to shred the entire mountain searching for as many fresh new runs as possible! I've never really skied trees before, or at least with much success, and now I can't stay out of them! Tree skiing is super fun for many reasons, but, as you can imagine, also tends to have more dangers than skiing wide open runs!


I've been looking forward to our first backcountry skiing trip for a while! In fact, I actually took a shower for the first time since getting down to Chile in anticipation of this trip! We were supposed to leave this morning, but, as luck would have it, because of the volatility of Patagonian weather we've had warm temps and its been dumping rain at the elevation we were intending to go. Therefore we are sitting here at basecamp twiddling our thumbs watching ski videos trying to keep our stoke up for the impending wet few days we are expecting to have while drilling our avalanche rescue skills in the rain!


Speaking of sitting around doing whatever you can to fill the time waiting out nasty weather, GS7 (guide school 7) was supposed to leave to do their advanced mountaineering course on the ice cap a week ago! Due to forecasted 3 meters of snow accompanied by up to 140km/hr winds for days on end, they have been stuck here at basecamp going out of their minds! And so it goes as the life of a mountaineer in the illustrious Patagonian mountains! Even the lift at the local ski resort shuts down through out the day for an hour or so due to high winds and zero visibility! Needless to say, there is a very distinct reason this region is said to have some of the worst weather on the planet! What better a place than here to cut our teeth training to be mountain guides! Understanding what it means to suffer coupled with being able to make sound decisions for the sake of the safety of the group are paramount for being a guide of any sort in the mountains! Its sounds weird to say I’m looking forward to our suffer fest here in Patagonia, but strangely, I am. I have been looking forward to this for as long as I can remember! I heard a quote by a prominent mountaineer that has stuck with me for a long time, “Alpinism is the art of suffering” and yet here I still am seeking after this as a lifelong goal! And as some of you might have heard me say before...”we didn't get dressed up for nothing!”

Ice Skiing in Patagonia

Skiing on ice is terrible. Skiing on ice in high winds with powder skis and tech bindings is far worse than terrible! Thus was my experience on my first day of my ski course here in Patagonia!


Let me back up...saying the skiing was worse than terrible sounds a bit harsh, but no one would have chosen to ski in these conditions unless you had to. In fact the ski “resort”, called El Fraile located here just outside of the town Coyhaique, Chile, wasn't even open. And to be completely honest, I had a fantastic time, and here's why: If you love to ski, as I do, coupled with smiling faces of friends, skiing in August (a phenomenon for us who normally reside in the northern hemisphere) and a lifty that only knew one English word, “lunch”, and kept saying it over and over again because he really didn't have any idea what that one word meant, you get pure joy!



Unfortunately, that joy was short lived as the following two days the resort was closed and our instructors saw no point in going up to ski in windy, icy, and over all quite dangerous conditions. So we have been pounding out some avalanche curriculum previously slated for later this week. Hopefully we will be getting some snow coming in this week and be able to ski some decent snow at the resort before we head out for a couple different multi-day backcountry skiing excursions!

Thoughts from far above the earth...(aka a blog written while flying :) )

Some consider me well traveled, and to someone who has never left their home country, I am. I have traveled to and spent time in 15 different countries, but have never dipped below the elusive equator and explored any parts of the southern hemisphere...today I win the game of chicken I've been playing with South America. I am flying south to the southern end of the skinny coastal country of Chile. I will finally get fresh stamps in my new, naked, neglected passport. I was proud of my old passport because it was well worn. It had a plethora of stamps from Latin America and from all over Eastern Europe. Most people never even come close to filling a passport with stamps and end up being proud of the one or two bits of “traveling” they've done to westernized countries or cities, claiming they have the knowledge, perspective, and the experience of someone who has been overseas and “seen the world.” Its true that someone can get a glimpse of another culture from tasting true local cuisine, or shopping in an open air market in the center of town. But its just a glimpse and not a very good one at that (usually). How many of them retreat to the comfort of their air conditioned hotel room when the 100 plus degree weather starts to beat down on them? How many people keep their “valuables” in a “secret” travel belt so they don't get pick-pocketed? How many people put away their preconceived notions of what is “safe” to eat and eat at the locals food stand. How many people go to a poverty stricken country, a war ravaged land, or a humanity raped culture with thoughts of grandeur because they are going to “help” those people? If we continue to experience “cultures” the way we think they should be rather than how they actually are, or try to “fix” them according to our own beliefs or values never to return again, how is that experiencing anything other than another rendition of our own selfish realities simply filtered through a 3D mirage of a week long “vacation” or “mission”?


My mom is the Director of World Missions at her church in Salem, where I grew up. I love my mom more than anything in the world...shes my mother, why wouldn't I? She is one of the most well traveled individuals I have ever known. She doesn't travel to popular places, stay at resorts, or frankly doesn't even enjoy some of the trips that she goes on. Nor does she go to try to fix the world with her religion claiming that they are simply lost souls needing to convert to her way of thinking or her own personal convictions. She goes in support of people who live there, she develops personal relationships with people and builds on those relationships even after her short visit, in order to serve them better. My mom and I do not always see eye to eye on a lot of life’s finer points, but I respect her for the work that she does. I respect her for going out of her comfort zone and doing what she does, loving on people in a way she describes as sharing the love of Jesus and sharing it with people who may not know that anyone in this world (or any other world) loves them. Its not a forced “you must believe what I believe” type of thing...I truly believe that regardless of the title of what her teams go under or the specific reasons or goals they may have, they are there to spread love. Who can argue with that?


I am flying to Chile, under the banner of a Mountaineering School that I am attending, but that doesn't mean that I can't spread the love that I have received in my life with the people that I come into contact with. In fact, I think it is important to love people no matter where you are, who you are with, or what you've experienced in life. You may have a lot of pent up anger, a boat load of bottled up potent hatred that you are bound and determined to hold onto for some reason... but why? We have ALL been wronged in some fashion or another. Some of us have been lied to, some of us have been betrayed, some of us have been cheated, some of us have had people we care about taken away seemingly prematurely and unfairly, some of us have been beaten, and some of us have been raped. These are terrible, awful, horrendous wrong doings that have no excuse for happening, but regardless of what injustices have been done to you why do you hold on to such negativity? Its natural to feel anger and hatred...they are emotions that we are hardwired to have, just like happiness and joy. But we have a choice to let them go before they consume us and take the joyful moments away, strip the happy thoughts and memories from us. We all have that choice. If you let a small scratch or cut on your arm or leg get infected and grow into a more serious, gangrenous wound, it will start to spread to and affect more of your body. It will start to affect more than just the little cut it once was. If you don't deal with it when its small, giving it the attention it needs to be taken care of when it first happens, and you let it fester and ignore it, it WILL get worse, more painful, and continue to effect you more and more. Eventually, if left long enough, it could need to be amputated...forcing you to either cut it off and get rid of it, or if you chose not to, it could ultimately take your life....No one chooses that from the beginning, at least not consciously, but by ignoring or pushing it away when it happens doesn't make it go away. Same is true with hatred. It hurts when we've been wronged. And its easy to not deal with it because it hurts dealing with painful things, but if you push it away and let it fester in you for weeks, months, years, or even decades it WILL resurface as something so fierce you won't even recognize it as the thing it once was. Deal with it and be done...don't hold on to hate.


I have been doing a lot of thinking about this school that I am attending and it has been a huge struggle for me and very daunting to deal with this knee injury that is largely unknown and confusing. It doesn't make sense, but I’m facing it and I’m choosing to do everything that I can to meet it head on not become the victim and feel sorry for myself, but rather use this to become a stronger person, a stronger leader. I may ultimately fail in what I set out to do, but my perceived end point isn't the only thing that drives me. The experiences I am gaining, the trials I am facing, and the strength which I am forming are what is ultimately going to guarantee my success. What that success means or looks like specifically, I can't put into words right now, but I’m going for it full tilt...and I couldn't do it if I stayed stuck on being the victim, thinking of what could be if I wasn't injured...because this is what is, nothing else....i choose my reality and my reality is I am on a flight to Chile to meet up with 4 other amazing guys all training to be awesome mountain guides! I will do the best that I am possibly capable, I will keep a good positive attitude and I will share the love of that I have to share because that is what I choose!

12,000 days

Do you know how many days you've lived? If you don't, its easy to figure out. Or at least you can get a general idea. Doing math in my head is pretty general and sometimes can be WAAY off, but without trying to figure it out to a perfect exact number, I've lived roughly 12,000 days. Most of those days i wouldn't be able to tell you what i did. They just passed away without being memorable...

Now, how many days have you actually LIVED? I've been alive for about 12,000 days but how many of those have I lived? How many did i waste feeling sorry for myself? and how many did i take for granted because I thought that "tomorrow is another day" and today isn't worth salvaging? We don't get those days back...once they are gone, they're gone. We only live for a certain amount of days...each is precious and each has the potential to be memorable and great in their own respects. BUT we have to live them in order for this to happen.

The past is the past. It cannot be changed, would you agree? What has happened is done. There's no going back...sure, we can learn from the past, our past, others' past... but how about making our own mistakes, learning lessons for ourselves? What if we could go back? would you? why? do you regret decisions you've made? or are you able to accept them as what they are and learn from them, good or bad, and move forward? are you able to live in the NOW and not get stuck in the what ifs of what could have been? Or are you constantly striving towards, planning for and dreaming of the future...of what hasn't come?

Learning from the past is smart, and planning for the future is wise, but where do you draw the line and actually be present in the present? Some would argue that this is a silly, immature way to live, but it'll never come again and if you waste it its gone. However you choose to live your life is up to you and you alone. Are you satisfied with how your life is right now? if an asteroid crashed into you wherever you happen to be right now would you feel as though you lived your life? Or would you be dissapointed that you didn't get to do something, or say something to someone?

Stop making excuses and live your life today.

On June 10, 2010 my niece, Rebecca Faith, was born. She was born with health issues that ultimately took her life 18 months later. She never walked, never talked, never tasted real food (other than homemade vanilla ice cream on her first birthday). She wasn't consumed with her choices in the past, how she had been treated, or what she would do in her life to come...

The doctors gave her less than a year to live and she beat that! Her life is an inspiration for me to make the most of my life, make the most of the choices that I choose. And its a big reminder that i have been given the richness to experience life as I am right now! Life is so precious and yet so fragile and so many of us take so much of it for granted...enjoy being able to taste your food, enjoy the smell of rain, fresh cut grass, and burnt toast. Enjoy feeling rain on your skin, the sun burning your neck, and the heat of a campfire on your shins. Don't take anything for granted. Be yourself for your reasons, not someone somebody else tells you to be for their reasons. Experience emotion, don't suppress it...it helps us feel alive in this small silly world we are in. Choose things that make you happy or sad but choose them; don't just let them happen...Love on everyone you come into contact with...there's no room for hate.

Live your life...don't just be alive.



"I love you little Becky! Thank you for sharing your moments with me!"

An Obituary...(of sorts)

My car, my beloved 1995 Subaru Legacy station wagon, has sold. It has a nice new college aged girl to look after

My emotions are mixed. On one had, I loved that little car despite its little quirks and gimmicks and am sad to see it go. It served me well travelling across many states, on washboarded backcountry roads, up and down mountain passes so I could get to work, the trailhead or the ski hills, and performed with little problems time and time again when I packed it tetris style to its maximum capacity moving around in my classic nomadic style. I loved that car, it was a fantastic car to own and drive!

On the other hand, I was frustrated to no end with that POS car despite how much I loved it. It struggled, sometimes, to chug up even the littlest of hills causing road rage from people stuck behind me. I would bottom out over potholes that wouldn't have phased a lowrider. I couldn't roll down my window on 100 degree days to simply feel a breeze on my face. It leaked oil to the point of seeming like it had an engine fire billowing smoke from under the hood causing people to rush over to me to inform me that my car was smoking! "Yes, I am aware," as if I didn't see the cloud of smoke right in front of me!

BUT.... overall, I will miss that car. Despite its short comings, it was the best car I could have owned at that time of my life. I am grateful for its persistence to take me to places I wouldn't have been able to access with out it. I am thankful and sad. Sad to know that when I return home, it won't be sitting there waiting for me. Thankful that the next owner will have her own stories to make with it. She will have a car that will be reliable, functional and fun! She is excited and I am excited.

Big thanks to my dad for putting in the leg work of selling my beloved! Thanks dad!

You little Suby, you will be missed, we traveled far and wide together and you will never be forgotten or replaced....

Sitting still sucks.

I'm not a fan of sitting still. Especially when I am forced to do it for reasons that are beyond my control. I love to be active, so sitting here at the Mountain Training School's Alaska base camp trying to amuse myself while writing blogs and gear reviews are not what I would call an ideal situation. I'm stuck here while the rest of GS8 is finishing up the backpacking module deep in the Talkeetna Mountains. I want to be there SOOO badly! But I cannot. But, to look at things on the brighter side, I have had time to start this blog (and today I figured out how to post pictures to it!), advance into the top 100 gear gurus for backcountry.com, and concoct workout plans that include make shift kettlebells (admittedly, though, not very well constructed), and stare at Pioneer Peak taunting me every time I step outside.

 

 My makeshift "kettlebell."

 

 

 

Pioneer Peak looming out the back door.

 

 

Its hard to be patient sometimes but, patience is a virtue, or so I'm told! Never-the-less, I sit here as patiently as I can trying to allow my knee time to heal before I smash down mountains with oodles of weight in my pack. Waiting for the rest of my class to return from their first epic adventure without 20% of their classmates (aka me!). Yet as expressed in a previous post, I have chosen wisely and do not regret my decision to give my knee the extra time to heal so I can rejoin my classmates on what is sure to be some epic adventures to come!

 

mmmm bacon! I must admit, I don't really miss the dry food mixes, the instant potatoes, candy bars and the like we eat in the field! So I am happy I can eat fresh organic vegetables, eggs, bacon, good meat, and overall food that is actually good for me! So HA! that's one for me! Now....it seems as though I should go make some curry! or maybe just have a bite of ice cream....mmmm or maybe some bacon! mmmm bacon!

 

 



Pictures around Alaska basecamp and 4th of July BBQ!

Just a few candids from the first few days before our first course! Hopefully you can get a feel for out basecamp and staging area for all out expeditions here in AK!

 

 Left to right: Hewitt jamming and Gareth (Gaz) and Nick, both from Australia, typing typing typing.

 

 

 Tyler, a former Guide School student and the Alaska basecamp manager, sitting on the right with Dani, his girlfriend from Costa Rica. Dan, from Scotland (blue hat) reads his Kindle!

 4th of July BBQ

 

 

 Gaz telling a story...Hewitt from Connecticut  (middle left) and Daniel from San Fransisco (right center) both classmates, and Carter (far right) an apprentice instructor in his second year of the Guide School, listen very engagingly!!

 

 

 Dan, one of the instructors and former Guide School student, skyping away! Up the stairs is our sleeping quarters!

 

 

 Gaz waiting patiently for more food to be ready!

 Daniel swooping in on some grilled chicken!

 Gaz, from Australia, doesn't need a plate, mate!

 

 

Hewitt demonstrating how to shotgun a beer!

 

 

I'll post more pictures soon and hopefully as often as I can...however, once I'm in the field there will be large time gaps where no posts or pictures will be posted...BUT, after a course there will be tons of pictures and lots of stories to be told! Keep checking back to see if there are new posts and new pictures...I'll also try to alert people via Facebook when I remember! :) be well and give your mother a hug! she deserves it!

Failing Forward: the first days of Mountain Guide School

I could hardly contain myself as I stepped onto the plane to Alaska to begin my two year journey that is the Mountain Guide School. I hadn't slept more than a couple hours each of the nights preceding. I thought this day would never come. I had been training, collecting required gear (even some that was virtually impossible to track down (damn silvretta 500's)), and dreaming of how the next two years of my life would be like participating in the Mountain Training School's two year mountain guide school. Since getting accepted in May of 2012, I had just over a year to get my self into shape physically and mentally for what I was anticipating to be some of the hardest experiences I have ever encountered or ever will!

Did I prepare enough? No. Could I have done more? Yes. but am I proud of getting this far and doing my best given the circumstances? Definitely! Maybe its just me and my perfectionism, in thinking I could have done more or been more efficient with my time. But I DO know that the past is the past and it will never come back around. We can only go forward! Whether we fail or succeed, the only way is forward. Don't ever give up on your dreams, in fact, don't only have dreams, but make those dreams goals. Dreams remain unattainable things in the sky. Set them as goals and work towards them! Even if they seem impossible at the time, there are always steps to take to move forward towards your goals! You most often cannot just jump forward straight to the end goal with out many many many steps in between. I can't climb a mountain in a single jump, but one step at a time!

ok, I'm getting a bit preachy...

I arrived in Alaska, stayed at a local hostel and started to meet some of the other classmates...this was becoming a reality! There are a total of 5 of us, 2 from Australia, and 3 of us from the United States. A small group compared to the maximum allowance of 8 for the school. The night before we got picked up for the beginning of our two year journey we 5, collectively known as GS8 or Guide School 8, went and had a big steak dinner with plenty of beers and plenty of things to talk about! We closed the restaurant down!

July 1st. the day we all had been anticipating for days, weeks, months.....years! We had begun! We 5 had all come from different backgrounds, had different expectations, and overall hadn't the slightest idea what the hell we had gotten ourselves into! The first few days were pretty mellow; filled with classes about the school, what to expect, learning about food packing, navigation, gear checks, and the certification process we would be working through these next two years, among many other topics. We were stoked to say the least!

July 5th. We drove a couple hours to the trailhead for our backpacking module with full packs, eager attitudes, and smiles on our faces! We arrived at what we learned was known to Alaskans as the Talkeetna Traverse. We set off on our first course as a preparation course for our other, more rigorous, and lengthy expeditions to come. The scenery was to die for! I couldn't take enough pictures! The pace, unexpectedly, was pretty quick at first, but slowed once we figured out that we wouldn't be able to keep up that pace once we got off the trail we started on. Soon on the second day we were off the track and finding our way via map and compass. The instructors let us fail. Some failed worse than others at route finding and navigating, but we all were there to learn this necessary skill so we all had a chance to lead, route find, fail, and then succeed!

The first section was slated for 7 days. We did it in 6 before we arrived at a remote air strip (actually looked nothing like an airstrip) on a gravel bar below a glacier with braids of grey water flowing in and around it where we would get a food and fuel resupply for the next 10 day section. On day three I started to feel pain. Pain in my left knee...it wasn't too bad to start, but the next day came with more pain and slowing pace. WHY!?!?! I had trained, I had prepared, I was careful and methodical with my steps. Why was this pain occurring? I couldn't figure it out. The intructors couldn't figure it out. We tried wrapping it, we tried heating it, we tried anti-inflammatories...nothing...but more pain...I was walking around like I had my knee blown up by an explosion...I got slower and slower.

My mind raced...what happened? What if I couldn't finish the course...my FIRST course!!?? If I had to get air lifted out, would I be done for the rest of the 2 years? would I wash out only 5 days into this journey? Questions, doubts, pain....

We arrived at our resupply drop point with a day to spare, a day of rest before I had to make a decision. A critical decision that brought me to tears numerous times to even think about making. Had this dream, this goal, this life been all for nothing? I was angry, I was frustrated, I was confused. I talked to the other guys in the course, I talked to the instructors about my options...

I took the day of rest seriously. Staying off my knee, keeping it elevated, taking anti-inflammatory drugs, heating it, and trying to will it back to health. No such luck. I was faced with the choice of completing the last 10 days on a progressively failing knee with searing pain, or to fly out with the pilot coming to drop our resupply....I toiled over this decision...I am not a quitter and by no means was I going to admit defeat this early on...or ever! But it ultimately came down to this: if I fly out now I can have an extra week to heal as to preserve my body for the more grueling courses to come. It was a gamble, a big gamble. I knew I had the will power to push on through the rest of the course...of that I have no doubt. But at what cost was my stubbornness? I'm 32 years old and have lived a bunch of experiences but I still have a lot of life still to live. Do I want to ruin the chances of continuing on the more important courses, or even continuing using my knee all together because my pride wanted to keep going?

I made the decision to fly out the next day. A decision I do not regret. 10 years earlier my pride would have bested me and I would have gone on, foolishly and possibly injuring myself permanently for a lifetime. In one of the last emails I received from my mom before starting this course, she said that she hoped that I made wise decisions that I would be proud of. I am training to be a mountain guide and if I let my pride get in the way of making the right choice of turning back from a summit bid or something similar, it could easily mean permanent injury or worse....death. Not only for me but for my clients or students. Wise choices are what makes a good guide. I want to be the best guide I can possibly be and that starts with making wise choices.

We all have choices and the right to choose one way or the other. Sometimes we make the wrong choices and we fail, but those choices lead us to make better choices the next time and the time after that. Sure, I want desperately to be out with the rest of my class tromping through the wilds of the Alaskan backcountry, but I made the right decision and am proud to have done so!

Make wise choices that you will be proud of!

What do you want to be when you grow up?

What do you want to be when you grow up? A mountain guide! Or at least that's what I thought when my biggest "expedition" had been two weeks of camping with my family in the luscious Olympic National Forest in Washington State! Fast forward a handful of years to my mid teens and again, my answer to this very question was the same...to be a mountain guide of some capacity. This had been my answer anytime anyone asked me what I wanted to do when I grew up without the limitations of skill or finances. Fast forward again, and again, and again (I'm getting older even as I write!) My dreams of becoming a mountain guide drifted but never left. I would spend countless hours searching around the internet feverishly trying to find a "quick fix", or a "fast track" to the glory that I thought was being a mountain guide. Many, many, MANY times lack of finances and sub par skills blew me off the mountain and I had to retreat back down from that elusive peak in the clouds, defeated.

 

One day I saw the peak, the clouds had parted and I got a glimpse of what could be! This was the first time I came across the Mountain Training School. I was in my late 20's. I saw the peak I had dreamed of summiting for most of my life and I started running towards it only to get knocked flat on my ass when I discovered I didn't qualify even to apply...the clouds quickly rolled in and it seemed that my dreams of reaching the summit would never be.

 

At this point in my life I had had many trials and tribulations and even knew what it felt like to succeed, to be good at something, to advance. But I didn't want to advance as a personal trainer or wildland firefighter. I wanted to be a mountain guide! Always had and always will! But, at this point my dreams of such grandeur were only a picture on my wall, an idea in my head, a dream of a young boy in love with the mountains, rivers, the wild...

 

3 years passed and I hadn't given guiding another thought other than, oh if only I had had the foresight to do this when I was younger. I began to gain more skills, I began to get in arguably in some of the best shape my body has come to know! And then one day in early 2012 I came stumbling, crawling, and skeptically back to the Mountain Training School website to see what I was missing out on, to see what I could have had, to see what I would have done had I only been a decade or more younger, more of a badass climber and skier...That day I read through the requirements for admission probably a dozen times, quite the feat for someone who doesn't read much! I called, emailed, called, and emailed with Ben and Jaya for the next several months to get a grasp on their program, their philosophy, and vision. I applied to the Mountain Guide School in May of 2012 and got accepted! My dreams were finally going to come true!

 

Find out more about the Mountain Training School and their offerings by clicking here:

 

 The Mountain Training School

 

- Seth

A blog? I'll try it!

Beginning a blog, hmmm, this is something I've thought about doing for at LEAST 10 minutes one day in the past! Maybe more! My hope is that someone, somewhere will follow my randomness (if I can keep it up) and be pleased that they can keep tabs on my journeys and adventures as they continue to unfold. I also, at times, need a place to vent, to rejoice, and to grieve. And throwing it out into this world via the world wide web seems as good of a place as any!

My posts could be daily, or they could be yearly. I ask for your patience and understanding as I try to unleash my thoughts on life as they come! I'm certain I won't win any awards for this blog. I'm certain I will make grammatical errors. There will be inevitably some swearing or explicit language used (I'll try to keep this to a minimum as I'm sure this may offend some of you). This blog will be for me just as much as it will be for you. It will be a way to express my opinions, my frustrations, and my fears. It will be a venue I use to help my parents, family, and friends understand more about me and give them a chance to hear some of the ramblings that are my thoughts.

This blog I've entitled (for now because it asked me to title it) "One step at a time." because its the only way I know how to do things. By taking them one step at a time. My life, i'd like to think, a bit entertaining at times! But, living in this world I am fully aware that it will be plenty boring also at times.

So for now (and always) this will be my first blog post! Please, always feel free to comment and give me feedback on what you would like to hear or see on here. This is step one...there are many more to come!

Seth